This is re-post from June 5th, but applies to any time of celebration!
Wishing you and your loved ones a safe and joyous New Year!
While most parties are fun, unfortunately they can also present opportunities for underage drinking and substance abuse. Parents of teens should be aware of Vermont’s strict social hosting laws before hosting a party. “Adults may not give alcohol to anyone underage – not even their own children. In Vermont, if you give or sell alcohol to a minor, or help them buy it, you can be fined between $500 and $2,000 and sentenced up to two years in jail for each minor.*” You may also not know that you could be held responsible even if you didn’t provide the alcohol at your party.
On a happier note, you have the power to host a safe and fun party! Parties vary in size and intimacy, some are held for a few close friends – others are a blowout, inviting everyone your teen knows; size greatly impacts the detail of planning needed. Below are some tips to consider as you plan your next party (and keep the cost below $2,000 per guest!):
1. Know at least some of your teen’s friends before the event. This is probably the wisest advice that I’ve seen modeled. My friends, Ed and Nancy, have four children who are, or have been not so very long ago, teens. I am constantly inspired by their parenting and connectedness with their kids. Each week a crowd of teens gathers for Taco Tuesday, a shared family meal with friends. When I told Nancy about this article she shared the following words. “Do not wait until a party to get to know your kids’ friends. Have them over – a few at a time. (aka taco Tuesdays). That way at least a core group will already know you and your expectations. For instance our kids’ friends will quickly tell a newcomer to watch their language at our house. We usually don’t have to say a word which is the way I prefer it.” I might add for those of you with younger children, that this can start now, volunteer in your child’s classroom or have your children’s friends over for an afternoon.
2. Send out invites in advance and require an RSVP. Not only will this help you know how many guests you have coming, it is also a way to communicate key information (you may want to require parental contact info). Invitations can also help prevent party crashers – Sorry no invite – no joining our party. While that may sound harsh it can keep your party from spreading via social media.
3. Have a clear beginning and end time. This will allow younger drivers to get home at a safe hour.
4. Actively chaperone the party. You might consider this a no-brainer, but being present will prevent many issues that could arise. Even better, enlist a couple of other parents and co-host the party. This provides you the opportunity to have eyes in multiple places as well as someone to chat with so you’re not just the annoying parent hanging out in the corner spying on everyone.
5. Plan your party with your teen. This process can be a lot of fun and your teen develops some great life skills! Identify the number of guests that your space can safely host, and let your teen create the list. Think about where you’ll host the party. What spaces are off-limits? Are some spaces better suited for certain activities? Set a budget. What foods and drinks will you be serving? Will there be planned activities? This provides your teen ownership while providing things that they and their friends like. Keep in mind that there may need to be compromises in this process. There will also be some non-negotiables such as no alcohol or drugs.
6. If you anticipating a large number of guests, consider notifying the police with details of your gathering. This will allow you to learn if there are any traffic, noise, or parking ordinances in your community. If your party should get out of hand, you have your extra “security” at the ready.
7. Have backup and emergency plans. Thinking about these things may seem far-fetched or silly, but forethought will be greatly helpful if an emergency arises. Will weather affect your event? Do you have a snow-date? How will you handle party-crashers? Are there any known medical conditions? How would you break up a fight or deal with hurt feelings?
8. Have an exit strategy, and, when possible, include your teen in making that call. If your teen’s party gets out of hand, it’s ok to end it or call the police to keep everyone safe.
9. Bag & coat check. This is especially helpful if you’re hosting a party where you don’t know all the guests or suspect that some may have substance abuse issues. When bags and coats are checked there is less likelihood that outside alcohol will be consumed.
10. Monitor the food and drink area. Consider having single use containers at a larger party. Open cups are often an invite if someone is looking to spike or drug a drink.
11. It’s ok to have some rules. Before committing to have a party – agree with your teen on the event’s rules. As Nancy mentioned earlier, if some of the kids already know the house rules they can naturally help their friends follow them. Some sample rules: Bedrooms are off limits to guests. Once a guest leaves they may not come back. No alcohol or smoking. Guests may only leave with parents unless you’ve gotten the ok with their parents to leave with a teen driver. Clear rules may help your teen narrow that guest list.
12. Model appropriate party behaviors. Your teens and children watch you. If you have to have alcohol to have a good time, they’re a lot more likely to feel like they and their friends do too.
13. Be creative and have fun! There are so many fun party ideas out there!
For more ideas on how to reach out to your teen visit: http://parentupvt.org/ or http://beta.samhsa.gov/underage-drinking
Author’s Note: A special thank you to my friends with teens for their ideas and feedback!